Thursday, August 5, 2010

Love your mama

On most days I don't think about the fact that I don't have a mom, although I do think about my mom on most days. The reality of not having a mom has become part of my reality, but once in a while I get really jealous and I want a mom more than anything.
My friends who have moms are so lucky, in most cases. Sure there are moms that are nothin' but trouble, but for the most part having a mom is a really great thing. Especially having one near by. I can't imagine how different my life would have been if my mom was still alive. I think of all the things we would have enjoyed together, how we would have shared our lives and had so much fun together. How we would have been this link, her, me and then my daughter. A green eyed trio.
I am worst friend to gripe to about your mom. As much as I try I can not muster any sympathy for the tribulations of that relationship, and all I want to do is scream childishly "At least you have a mom!"

So, for the love of God, spend time with your mom. Enjoy her quirks, and enjoy having a parent. If you don't want her anymore................

Monday, August 2, 2010

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

In life we hardly ever know where we are headed. We know where we would like to go, but hardly ever where we are actually headed.
The quote above is attributed to Yogi Berra, as so many great quotes are. I especially like: "I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early." That is how I like to live my life. I know that I will make mistakes, so I plan ahead for potentially having to fix mistakes or live with them. Not being perfect, and screwing up royally is the human, and I am as human as they come.
But I am learning. Right now I am working on accepting faults and mistakes in others, and on overlooking it.

Whew. Its a hard one.

Friday, June 25, 2010

My senior check list!

It is really going to happen.
Yesterday reality sort of slapped us in the face. We received in the mail a letter from our local high school, with a senior check list. It contained dates and reminders of things that needs to be done throughout senior year, so that our daughter can graduate. I wanted to throw it away. Trying not to be a complete ostrich about this, but holy crap!

So here is my senior check list:

June 24th: Start process of convincing daughter that local junior college really would be a great choice.

July 4th: go into her room while she is on vacation and try to feel what it would be like to have her not really live there anymore. Hide in bathroom while sobbing.

August : Count the end days of summer.

October: She is really a senior. Practice the "it's no so bad" mantra.

December: enjoy the pre holiday rituals with daughter around every day for the last time. Try to convince younger son to partake so he can fill in next year. (probability 50/50)

February: keep talking up our local colleges

March: start drinking heavily

April: planning graduation party, while secretly hoping she somehow does not graduate through some fluke

May: ......................OMG!

I am not one of those moms that live through my children. But I am one of those moms that really really really wants my children in my daily life. Our lives are heading towards a fork in the road, and we are going to start heading in different directions. No choice about it really, and there are sure to be so many great things to come down the pike.

When you get to the fork in the road; Take it!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Fam time.

I love Sundays. Especially the Sundays that we spend together as a family. At our house it is an unspoken rule, I guess, that we all try to keep Sundays open and spend them together. Even the kids like to keep to the house on Sundays. The come home at eleven from sleepovers, and the rest of the day is laid back and relaxed.
Our daughter told me yesterday that she just loves being "with the fam." And for a moment my life was bliss. Because who does not want to hear from their child that they are happy to be home, and to be with the family? I hear other moms complaining about how their kids are never home, and about how their kids sulk and grump about when made to be with the family.
I hope that we will all get together often after the kids move out. I am sure we will.

I am also sure that I will be the one stuck with the clean up after all the family fun times. They love being with the fam until the dishes need to be done. Or until laundry needs folded. Then they scatter to parts unknown. So here is a bit of advice to new mothers: if the house ever gets too loud and the teens too energetic, and you just want a few minutes to yourself, yell out "can someone help me ___________(fill in the blank) please?" It will be a ghostly quiet, and not a soul will be anywhere near you. You are guaranteed at least 10 minutes of quiet. If they start creeping out from their hiding places, grumble a lot and loudly, and they will scatter again.


Thursday, June 10, 2010

Zip it!

I am an avid fan of the RHNY. If you don't know what that means, stop reading now, and come back tomorrow for a topic that might actually interest you.

Kelly Bensimon fascinates me, and I have become quite adept at impersonating her. "Honestly Reader, Honestly.......this is what people hate about me, I can't stand all the feelings. It's like white noise." " What is this? 1979 - free to be you and me?" That woman is a treasure. She wears shirts as dresses, runs in Manhattan traffic like a freaked deer,has lockjaw I think, and yells "Al Sharpton" over and over and laughs like an 85 year old smoker for no apparent reason. She has two children, but can't make pancakes. At least I can do that. I don't, but I could is the point!

Like I so often say; If I can't laugh at other people, who am I to laugh at?

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Grieving is ugly business

A friend of mine, someone I really care about and admire, recently lost a close relative. Such loss is always difficult. Sometimes the most difficult part is the disappointment in other relatives. Many people tend to show their true colors under duress, and relationships falter after such trauma. People sometimes become greedy, and selfish, and refuse to wait a while before making decisions about estates and belongings.

I still have items from my mom, and other relatives that I really don't need. But it gives me comfort. I like seeing my moms sweater in my closet, to me it proves that she was here. That she was real.

Different people handle grief differently, and at different speeds. I hope I remember that the next time.........

I am so sorry.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Reminders are great

A friend of mine announced on Facebook that she had started a blog, and that reminded me that I actually have a BLOG. Wow - how quickly one forgets..............

Life is happening real fast right now. The kids are running around with a lot of activities, and my husband started his own hobby. Everyone is happy and healthy, and summer starts next week when school is finally out.

You really should check out my friends cooking blog, but since its in another language you may not get a lot out of it. I like it though. Good Luck pal.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I can't get no satisfaction.

I am doing something terrible; terribly hard that is. I am cutting my chocolate habit, and going back to my childhood rules. Candy happens on Saturday. I remember planning my candy for days in advance. Knowing the prices of everything, and how much money I would be given was serious business. The flavors, the moods, it all had to go together perfectly. I am a candy connoiseur, and take it quite seriously. But now that I have found out that I have a health issue (that has its own ribbon - not pink!), it might just be time to grow up. Other people my age drink wine, and become quite knowledgable about that. I can tell you what chocolate go with what heart break, or what time of the month. No nuts at that time of the month; just a king size hershey bar, or in a pinch some hershey kisses although all the silver wrappings will make you hate yourself in the morning. Hide them under other trash, especially at the office. You don't want others to know about your Problem!!

Quitting smoking feels like a walk in the park next to this. I LOVE chocolate more than most people love oxygen.
Chocolate - for when you can't have sex!
Chocolate - for when life brings you down.
Chocolate - for when life brought you up!

Chocolate is consolation, reward, love and celebration all rolled into one.
I am also supposed to give up caffeine - Fat chance! That is the only thing keeping my family alive right now.
I'm not kidding!

Crazy picked me too

You know how life comes at ya real fast, and then all of sudden you are behind the eightball, and you just keep dancing around the bush while something rotten happens in Denmark?
Yeah - me neither. But that is just about how confused I am about life these days.

There is nowhere to go but up.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Biggest storm in modern history!

Yeah- well not in my neck of the woods! Here we have a decent amount of snow, and since it was mild today some of that melted and is now ice. Big WHOOP!

Isn't that just like alot of things though? The build up is usually greater than the event? Well I hope that is the case with kids leaving the nest. Maybe since I am working through some of the emotions attached to that now, the actual storm won't even make it onto the weather channel.
No torrential downpours,just a few sprinkles.
No 65mph wind gusts that blows away silos,just a little breeze.

But just in case I am going to stock upon essentials; chocolate and pomegranate daquiries.(Have you had one? YUM!)

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Time wreaks havoc

I saw an old acquaintance today, and whoa! time had altered this person quite a bit. Why is is that we can see so clearly how others have changed with time, but still feel so untouched ourselves. That is until early in the morning, probably Sunday morning, when you slept in a little too long, and you see your face clearly in bright morning light without the benefit of make up. Whoa!
I don't really feel untouched. I mean my skin has creases and wrinkles, but it sure is nice to see someone that has aged worse that ourselves. Right? Up high! Don't leave me hanging now!

I remember my mom saying that I should know that a little girl lived deep within her. That time had taken some egdes off, but that deep inside she was just the same. Dreams, wishes and all.
I'm keeping that in mind as my children grow. They are still my little kids, and nothing but the packaging has changed.

Have a nice Sunday.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Kids move out = Kitchen closed!

I set myself a goal to blog often, and hope to at least put up a post every day. However, why would anyone want to hear about some of the monotony of my life. Yesterday for instance; I worked all day, went grocery shopping with the intention of getting food for the whole week, but instead ended up only buying dinner, milk and cereal. Hardly enough to last us a week is it?

Who hates the grocery store? I do! I do!
All that food just grosses me out, and makes me lose my appetite. That coupled with the pressure of having to come up with meals for en entire week, just sends me over the edge. Single people, or those with no kids, probably do not get what I am talking about. But you moms do, huh? It just sucks. Once in a while I try to be one of those supermoms with a list, coupons and new fun recipes, but after about 12 minutes in the store I am so over it. You can't please everyone all the time, and with teens you can only please one person about dinner once in a blue moon.

My husband, bless his little heart, talks of what it will be like after the kids leave home. He envisions us in the kitchen whipping up new and exciting meals together. Trying gourmet things that the kids would have just turned up their nose at. Soft music playing, me and him together flirting and sneaking a kiss while we stir, chop and sample our new creations. I have dreams of what the kitchen will be like too; clean, bare and with my dinner cereal bowl in the sink.

Isn't that the one good thing about the kids leaving the nest? Less chores overall. Less cooking, less meal complaints, less laundry, less shoes by the door to stumble over, less gym bags and backpacks, less phones ringing....................?

Less hugs, less late night talks, less laughter, less everything............

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Saturday night to myself.

Really something to look forward to; 7-8 hours of silence, and time to just be. But after a few hours of this, all I can say is: Dear GOD - when are they coming home?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Zefron hair was a failure.

My son is getting a haircut today, after a long haircut sabbatical on his part, and a failed attempt to get "zefron hair." I am so excited. Unreasonably so.

When he was born, almost 15 years ago (wow), he, as far I can remember, had two eyes, and both sides of his face. About a year ago, his left eye disappeared along with that whole quarter of his face. About the same time he developed what can only be described as a permanent chink in his neck, as his head is always leaning to the left now. What is most annoying about the neck issue is that his head twitches to the left about every 30 seconds.

So imagine my excitement about the possibility of seeing the entirety of his face again. And the end of leaning head, and missing face.

I explained to him what to say to the the hairdresser,"make sure she does not go too short on top, and make sure she cuts you some texture in the top to help you spike it a little." His response was that he did not know what to say to her; how about what I just said? Instead I just took a breath, realized that as usual speaking to him in the morning makes me as irritable as he already is. No good will come of that. So I decided that since his sister was taking him, it would be her problem, and since all teen girls love power I would have her tell the hairdresser what to do. He will certainly be told a few things as well. (Teen girls are scary bossy!)She'll take charge the way only a four year older sister can.
So Good luck to her. If he hates it, I will not hear about it until later on. While he is potentially grumping up a storm about how he looks like shit, and about how he wishes he did not get it cut, and etc, etc, I will be far far away.
Doing what you ask? I will be in heaven, with a goddess rubbing away all the stress knots from my neck, shoulders and back. There are so many things I will miss about not being a part of every moment of their lives, but there are a few moments I can do without. This haircut being one of them.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Not everybody is going to like you in life,

and that's okay. You know why? Because you don't like everybody either.
Hopefully as my kids go about their own lives they remember that. I hope they know that you can't be friends with everybody, and that sometimes you have got to take a stand.
Recently I had to deal with a group of people that choose to be underhanded, bigoted, hateful and spiteful. I spoke up against their actions, and made it clear that I will not be a part of such actions, nor will I condone it. My daughter was with me, backing me all the way. She knows that sometimes doing the right thing can cause a lot of upheaval, but she was willing to lose a lot, to stand up for our friends. I am so proud of her. We WILL not align ourselves with people who wish to spread false rumors that could bankrupt an innocent person, we WILL not stand with those that discriminate against others based on sexual preferences, or with those that use their faith as a sword to badger others.

I'm sending a pretty coolheaded, strong person out into this world. She will do great. Seeing her convictions and her strength over these last few months have shown me that she will kick ass wherever she goes.
So I feel better, right now, about her going forth, but I still don't want her too.

Is that progress?

Friday, January 15, 2010

I make complete strangers cry!

As the name of this post implies; I am very very bad.

After telling my bestie the story of how I made a woman, whom I had just met for the very first time, burst into tears and run from the room, my besties reaction was that it happened because that woman did not know not to ask me any emotionally sensitive questions.

Here is what happened: I was having my teeth cleaned, and the dental hygienist and I were chatting about having kids. We talked about what it was like to have kids home from college, and she stated that it was nice when they went back to school. (BTW - I kinda hope I'll feel that way when the time comes, even though it sounds horrible to say that. What - now I'm all touchy feely?) It was a nice chat, but all of a sudden she just starts whining in a slow, nasal, baby voice which was not her natural voice from a minute earlier.
She has younger kids too, and she gets lonely because she only works part time, and the kids are at school, and they don't like the bus, and her daughter sucks in sports, and the husband (#2) works all the time, and his job is stressful so he is always cranky and tired and irritable, and she has to travel all over the state for sports, and her youngest can't get ready for school by herself, and her husband just gets mad when she tries to tell him how she feels, and he should talk to her and want to be with her.... Why doesn't he? she asks. Why can't he be happy to see her? Why when she is alone all the time, with only the kids, can't he understand that she needs adult interaction with him? Why does he not find her attractive anymore? Why? Why? Why?

This all comes at me in one long monologue, while she is cleaning my teeth. She asks 7-10 rhetorical (now that I'm thinking about it) questions in the same vane before finally removing all implements from my mouth, and for some reason looks at me expectantly.

This is where I should have said; "MEN! They Suck!" But I did not say that. Instead I said;

"Well, you do come across as a bit whiny!"
Yeah, that's right, I said it.
She sucked in her breath, her face turned bright red, and she ran away.
And I had done it again.
So this makes me think that I should somehow walk around wearing some kind of a warning.Maybe something like this written on my shirt?
I answer questions without any thought!
People have been known to burst into tears!
Proceed with conversation, and
ask questions of my opinion,
at your own peril!
You've been warned!
I could wear a shirt with that on it, and when the situation calls for it I could just open up my coat and warn innocents of my mouth!
PS. I stand by what I said. She was a whiny, annoying woman who would make any man work late and act irritable. If she had better Besties they would have told her so a long time ago.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

That dinner looks gross!

You know what? Maybe not cooking for these picky kids anymore will be very nice, maybe it will in fact be heaven. I made a new dinner today, it is in the oven right now, and both kids have already declared that they "don't like it."
Dreaming of days when I will cook dinner, once in a while, and no one will bitch and complain.

More later..................

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Point of Faith

I received an email today, and it contained a forward that went like this:

An atheist professor was teaching a college class and he told the class that he was going to prove that there is no God. He said, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" Ten minutes went by. He kept taunting God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." He got down to the last couple of minutes and a Marine just returned from the Gulf and released from active duty and newly registered in the class walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him flying from his platform. The professor struggled up, obviously shaken and yelled, "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine replied, "God was busy watching over my buddies engaged in combat."

In the interest of full disclosure; I am not a religious person. But do not make the mistake of thinking that I therefore am without faith; the two are very different things. "Faith" is a belief in a higher power if you will, a belief that there is a point to the universe. Religion is the frame work that some people choose to place around their faith. Kind of like really liking Baseball, but not believing in the corruption (and steriod use lying, yeah - I'm talking to you McGuire!) of the MLB. I think that faith can do wonders, but I also know that religion has killed millions, continues to degrade societies and humanity, all in the name of doing it in the name of God, but really just serving the wishes of the believers.

Anyway.......I don't know what the point of the story is in that email. Is it to point out the heroism of the Marine, or to showcase the arrogance of the righteous whether it be the Professor or the Marine? The choice of the hero being a Marine, a strong symbol of the best America has to offer, and the damned being a Professor, is interesting casting. We all know that there is no one more inclined to be a liberal than a Professor, and that Liberals by definition are without faith. Oh -I take that back, Liberals have faith, but it is that "mumbo jumbo "where they meditate and surround themselves with crystals and talk about their "chi" and all that bullshit. (sarcasm is a great tool)
There is only one true God - MINE!!

"I distrust who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." Guess who said those words? Susan B. Anthony.

"Religious controversies are always productive of more acrimony and irreconcilable hatreds than those which spring from any other cause." George Washington

Man, that email really got me going! Hackles up! Soapbox in place, and off I went. Well, I feel better, but depending on your viewpoint this may really have pissed you off. Depending on your viewpoint - not your faith.

Come back tomorrow. I'll either piss you off some more, or make you nod and smile with me.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Let's have our own Compound.

First of all; have you ever noticed that bad things happen in "compounds?" It is according to most dictionaries described as "a cluster of buildings surrounded by a barrier of some kind, where bad people live in seclusion, doing bad things that will be covered by CNN and Fox News when they are caught by an unsuspecting social worker investigating child abuse." Okay - I added that last part. But still....... that is what happens in compounds.

Last night I was just thinking about this girl I know who live in her own house, on the same property as her grandparents and her dad. She is in her mid-twenties, and has a job, and seems happy; so I think that is what we will do. Great solution right? My kids will live with me, on the same property but in their own house. Totally cool.

I am not sure whether I should start this process, 'cause believe me this will take some planning, by looking for a property that is already a compound, or by convincing my husband that this is a great idea. Seems to me the best way, when looking at other successful compounds, is to not put off the brainwashing of the compound members. Time to get the suds out; I've got three stubborn, free thinking, intelligent individuals whose minds are gonna need a good scrubbing if I am to succeed. Luckily for me I've got a lot of elbow grease, and I am just crazy enough to make it happen! Wonder if Joe Jackson could give me some pointers?

Saturday, January 9, 2010

My first Bestie remembered.

There are towns that are so isolated that those who wander through are stared at, and ogled as though they came from an alien planet. When I was about five we moved to a town like that. A place where the mountains that surrounded it was so high that rays from the sun would not reach down all winter. (hint; far north).
I was a stranger, although my grandparents lived there, and was made to feel like an outsider from day one. Coming from a sunny place with happy outgoing people; this little town felt like hell, even to a five year old. I hated it, and had no friends at all. My brother, Mr. Cool, soon got friends, but I was shy and literally did not speak the language, so I was alone.

I spent hours playing with my dolls in my grandmothers yard, among her many flowers and loved to hear the drone of the waterfall and river next to their house. Often I would sneak off and sing at the top of my lungs at the river, knowing that the drone of the water would drown me out. Once when I snuck off (what parent would want their child playing near a raging river), there was a girl there. An older girl, with thick glasses that made her eyes huge, and shoulder length curly brown hair. She made me really nervous, but I still sat down on one of the rocks near her. She had a kind face, that smiled a lot. As I remember; that first time we just sort of sat there and smiled at each other a lot, but soon we were inseparable and played together every time I was at my grandmothers house. Karin was my Bestie!
We played house, and I was always in charge as the husband who had to go to work. Karin, although clearly older than me, always allowed me to be in charge. She was quiet, and very kind. I was her only friend it seemed, and she mine. Karin liked Barbies, but although we played them some I just couldn't get into it. I loved playing house, and cowboys and Indians. She went along.
Karin went to school with me, but she was older, so we did not have any classes together, nor did I ever see her, but we would walk together if I went to my grandmothers house after school.
We lived in this town for a total of four years, but after second grade we moved quite a ways away. I was so sad. Although I had made a few other friends, leaving Karin was torture for me. We moved in July, and I did not see Karin again until Christmas. I ran into my grandparents house after the long drive, hugged them and immediately ran across the street to Karins' house. We both cried and hugged, and it was not until later that I noticed how much older Karin was than me. The joy in seeing her was overwhelming, and we played everyday until I went back home again. Our friendship survived, and we were Besties every time I came to town. We wrote each other and sent cards and were still Besties.

Time passes quickly when you are in elementary school, and soon I was done with fifth grade. I was changing, and more interested in pop music and lip gloss than dolls. Summer vacation was going to be spent mostly at my grandparents, something I had lobbied for hard because I wanted to hang out with Karin all summer. The night before we left my mom came into my room, and sat on my bedside.
"Are you excited to see Karin again?" Yes I was, I told my mother of all my plans for us. We were going to go the movies, swim at the pool, ride bikes and look at boys, and just have fun. "Are you going to play house?" Probably not, since I rarely did that anymore. "You don't like to play with dolls and play house anymore?" Not really. And that is when my special mother told me that Karin was the kind of little girl that was never going to get tired of playing with dolls. Karin was always going to want to play house, and cowboys and all those games that we used to play. "You are changing and doing new things, but Karin is just going to stay the same," she said. "Being friends with Karin is a gift," she said,"and a responsibility." My mom asked me to take a better look at Karin, and a better look at myself, and "I just know that you will find that you might still like dolls just a little bit."
Seeing Karin again was a shock. She had boobs, and looked to be at least seventeen. But I just knew that regardless of our ages, I was still the older one. The last time I saw Karin, I was a nineteen, and we played Barbies, ate ice-cream and sang into the waterfall. I don't know anyone in that town now, and I don't know what happened to Karin, but I hope she is as happy and content as always. She was my first Bestie, and maybe my best Bestie of all time. She, and my mother taught me, that inside all of us are little kids, some of us just lose our ability to access them anymore.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Everyday life without the kids around, WHAT?

I have given this some thought, and perhaps our little family spends more time together than other families do. We have two teenagers, and from what I hear from other parents; teenagers are hard to nail down, except for in our case. Our kids are with us, spending time together every day. We have tv shows we watch together, we have hobbies together, we read together, we eat dinner together, and generally we just spend our lives together.

Always thought that was a good thing, but perhaps this is what makes it so hard to imagine my everyday life without the kids around. My husband and I have a great time just the two of us, and our relationship is strong, passionate and fun. No doubt the future will allow us more time together, which is wonderful. But I just can't imagine having the kids, and first off my daughter not a part of my everyday life.
She just spent the night away at a friends house, which is no big deal, we communicated several times by phone and texting. But in a little over a year, it will not be a day or two away from home, she will not really be living here anymore. Her life will have all kinds of aspects that I will not know about. She will know people I will never meet, and talk about places and things I will never see. That is exciting, but it mostly just makes me sad.

I really should have raised dumber kids that would never leave home for college. Would have saved us a bundle in college costs too.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Step one in college preparations

We signed up for the Act's. Well, she is signed up for the ACT held on National ACT test day, February 6th. We sat down and registered together, and it was exciting and very emotional. Several times our eyes would meet, and we would both nod our heads and keep going. As though we both knew that the first step was completely necessary and irrevocable. We wrote down her username and password, and placed them in a safe place, since this will be her account with ACT forever.
The process of doing this online was quite easy, and quick. How quickly it went. Years ago when older parents would say "cherish this time when they are little, it goes by so quick," I would mentally roll my eyes. It doesn't really go by quick, it just slips slowly through your fingers. You think you have a handle on it, but all of a sudden your hand is empty.
Her dad,  my husband, entered the room towards the end of the online registration. We were sitting close to each other on the couch, laptop on her lap, and we were quiet. Our son came in, and asked what was wrong, and she and both blinked tears away and said "nothing." My husband chuckled, and gave me a little smile. "They'll be okay;" he said.
And we will, but the end of an era is nigh upon us.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Take care of each other

It's cold where I live, and according to the weather channel we will not be warming up any time soon. On the news this morning they were giving tips on staying warm, and how to take care of outside pets during such cold conditions. They suggested that if you could not bring your dog inside, that you not give the dog a blanket but instead put down hay since blankets can freeze. All well and good, but my question is why would you ever be unable to bring your dog inside? We are talking freezing conditions, with a below zero windchill and in some places below zero temperatures. And please don't give me the dogs are outside animals speech, because I don't understand the sentiment of that at all. Just because they will survive does not mean that they do not feel the cold, and actually suffer from it. Why get a dog if you find them to be so disgusting that you don't want them inside the house? And if you feel that dogs should stay outside, at least have a garage that they can come into in this type of weather. Supply them with water, and proper food and shelter please.
You took on this creature, and by keeping them you are responsible for them. Be a good human, and make their happiness and comfort a priority.

Done sounding off for now! How great is it to have a place to just run my mouth?

Friday, January 1, 2010

The "Debbie Downer" of New Years.

It's a new year, and from what I read on Facebook and others blogs that means it is full of great possibilities. Am I the only one who kind of dread this upcoming year? The only one who is not ready? I am the Debbie Downer of new years.
First of all I am not a person that subscribes to new year resolutions. If something needs changed, and I truly wish to change them, I do as Nike says and "just do it." I'm not putting my changes off for another day, or another year, I just figure I don't really want to change it. And when I do, I get right on it. Figure it keeps me from failing a lot too. Wow - after reading that it just really makes me sound like I am soooo Perfect, but it really just makes me someone who procrastinates and does not push themselves too much perhaps. hmmmm....
I will hit a milestone in 2010, one of those round years where your friends throw you some sort of party or your family feels the need to really celebrate the day. It's one of those birthdays where friends put signs with rhymes in your yard. Real funny stuff. Don't get me wrong; I don't mind aging. The alternative to aging really sucks, so I'll live with another year. But this milestone is leaving me floundering a bit.
The boobs are pretty much where they were, and I am happy with them. Buttocks are also okay, few lines around the peepers and all around my skin is a little softer. None of that really bothers me. What bothers me is that after this year I will no longer have a map. "Map" is not really the right word, what I mean is that I will no longer have a preview of what is to come. In 2010 I will be the age at which my mother passed away. I am entering my mothers final year. She died quite young, but since she did being that age makes me feel old. Does that make sense?
I will be the age she was when she died, and my daughter the age I was when my mom died. In the years since I have been following in moms footsteps, feeling as though I am safe in knowing that I am where she was. But after 2010,that will no longer be the case. I have no model for pushing my birds out of the nest, I do not know how droopy things will get, and so the future looks really...... blurry.
I'm not the only one who doesn't have a mom, but I'm the only one I know without one. My mom was the best, and I got more mothering and memories than most people do in a lifetime. I told her I would be okay, and I am, but there are upcoming stages that I don't have a preview for. Wish I could say that it makes the future more exciting, but that is not how I feel.

So; I hope that all those possibilities are endless for everyone. I hope this new year brings happiness, love and peace for all. But for myself I hope I can muddle through, and I hope that I can continue to feel close to my mom even though I am no longer following.