Oh the drama .....

The other night someone was chatting about how "everyone just keeps talking about her." I think a lot of us have been there, hearing this and that, and feeling persecuted by the local community. As I was  grooming and massaging Pippi later that day, I just kept going back to one thought; how does she know people are talking? And it brought me back to something that happened to me years ago, that really taught me a valuable lesson.

My daughter and I had been affiliated with a local barn for a few years, and my daughter was even helping the barns trainer as an "apprentice." Everything was going great, but there was suddenly this weird tension in the air. My daughter started feeling like the trainer didn't like her as well anymore, and some of the other girls were subtly distancing themselves from her. My friend. who owned that barn, finally leveled with me, sharing that the Trainer had some sort of problem with my teen daughter. Its been years now, and I can't recall exactly what the issue was, but whatever it was it seemed to get worse as my daughter felt left out. She was no longer a priority and felt that she was left to compete tired horses at shows that had nothing in the tank after lugging other riders along all day. (although an "apprentice" that was in status only, and we paid the same as the other riders. It just meant that she was more experienced and could help the younger riders with tacking etc, and she helped trainer school horses) This continued for a while, with barn owner telling me that she definitely saw that my daughter was getting shafted. After one horrendous show, my husband I decided it was time to perhaps find a lease horse and a new barn for our daughter.

Long story short; we found Pippi, and we were over the moon about it!

First we leased her, and then purchased her. It was such an exciting time, but for one thing. We were now boarding at a different barn, but still local, and were showing at the same little local horseshow as before. We were so proud to take our little green paint to her first show, but the reception my daughter received from the old barn crew was cold to say the least.

My friend, owner of the previous barn, soon filled me in. It seemed the old Trainer really had a problem with my daughter. She felt that Pippi was totally the wrong horse for us, that my daughter was not in any way ready to train Pippi and that neither my daughter or our new horse was worth a lick. Nor would we ever be any competition to them!

"Look B, shit done got real!" allright....

How dare she try to ruin my daughters first show with her new horse? I fired on all cylinders! After everything my daughter did for her? Who does she think she is? She is not that great a trainer anyway!

and on and on it went. She said, we said, she said we said........ ad nauseum. Tensions and discord abounded ....

Distance was created to the point that my daughter no longer associating with those girls, and we hardly ever saw them other than at that little horse show. Then we started going to other shows thanks to a new friend that hauled us, and that we had a blast with. But still we heard things....years went by....

Then one day I read this: 

Friend, don't tell me what my enemies say about me.

Friend, tell me why they are so comfortable sharing that with you.

At this point I had taken over the ride on Pippi, I no longer had a friendship with that old barn Owner, and that Trainer had started her own barn. One day on my way to my barn the trainer was driving her big truck ahead of me down a country lane. This was my chance to clear the air, and I felt calm and ready. I blinked my lights, and honked my horn, and the first chance she got she pulled over. She jumped out of the truck thinking something was wrong, and sort of blanched when she saw me.


I can't imagine what she thought!

I took a deep breath and said "hey, thanks for stopping, I just think it's high time that we talk and clear the air." or something to that effect. She seemed amenable, so I went on explaining my point of view. It seemed to me that maybe she didn't actually say all the things I had been told she said, and that perhaps that meant that she was told that I said things I hadn't said as well. I based this theory on the quote above, and a run in I had with the Barn Owners husband where he accused me of saying all kinds of things about him and their marriage. It was impossible since I had not seen either of them in over six months, and we had no common associates at all, plus what would I know about them?

So I told Trainer, I think we were both told things by the Barn Owner, that made us react and say things. We didn't go into detail, but it was clear it started with her saying my daughter and I had a problem with her. And then Barn Owner would go back and forth adding and inflaming things over and over again. Talking about it to all and sundry who would inflame it further and, effectively whipping up the drama. I said that some of the things she had heard was true, but said in reaction to what I was told, and the rest was all horse manure!

We both said sorry, we hugged and put all the animosity behind us. I think we both left with lighter hearts. We are not friends, and I have not seen her since, but I wish her well. It was a valuable lesson for us both I dare say.

So what's the moral of the story:

When someone says that someone said something about you, don't take the bait. A good friend doesn't tell you about it, but shuts it down without you being told at all.

I have also had this scenario where someone says something like"can you believe she went to 4 shows over 4 weekends?" and I respond "wow, that's a lot." and then that person is told "she thinks you go to too many shows." Ever been there?

Anyway, I have learned not to put any stock into what I am told others are saying, but I do take notice about who is telling me about it.