Blogging, both reading others and writing my own, has taught me so much. Much about horses, but also much about myself. My experiences with humans in the horse world, and my job has given me a hard edge that I am not sure I like. But how does one turn back?
Recently I commented on a blog post written by Kelly at Princess Diva Diaries, and after reading my own comment I was shocked to realize that I can be a bit callous. Kelly was writing about the uncomfortable switch from one trainer to another, and about whether she should respond to the previous trainers seemingly terse response to being dropped. I wrote that Kelly should make sure she stated what she wanted in her email, and that unless she regretted writing something or felt that she left something out, should leave well enough alone. Although I agree with myself, I started thinking about how I have changed.
Years ago, before current job in Social Services, and Before Pippi, my response would have been different. I now seem to have the attitude "oh, well, if they have a problem they should bring it up" whereas I used to think "I should talk to them about it."
What changed? My feelings about people!
There is a lot of client drama in my job (14 years in social services), and having Pippi and Boarding her has at times been quite dramatic as well. The fancy facility that we were at this spring was a nightmare; the manager was the sweetest little liar anyone could ever have the pleasure to meet, another boarder was a little shit stirrer, and meanwhile horses were underfed, feed was stolen, water buckets hardly ever filled, stalls left filthy, and horses left out unfed for hours (once in a huge storm). We moved! In the riding club there is never ending drama, and so I pulled out of that.
All of his has changed me, and I no longer feel as good about people as I used to. But I miss my old sweet attitude. I miss thinking well of people, and believing that people are essentially good. I don't think that now. Reading blogs are restoring some of my faith. People trying to do the right thing for their animals; Kelly worrying about her situation with former Trainer, reading about the meticulous care Chrome gets and his clicker training, and Amy falling off yet getting back to riding, warms my heart. And all the other blogs I read as well.
So thank you so much for that. And if I sometimes sound hard or calloused in my posts, or in my comments, please call me on it. This is something I want to work on. I don't want to lose faith due to seeing a lot of crap, or hearing more likely, and I hope to find ways to turn back to a more positive frame of mind.