Part Two - Enabling and its Pitfalls!

It may be helpful to read Part One first, you can do that by clicking here.

I'd like to give an example of what I am talking about, by fessing up to my own mistake. When I first started working with Pippi by myself, she made me nervous on the lunge line. She would pull rather hard, and hop about, tossing her head, and coming closer to me. It made me nervous, and I felt as though she was being aggressive towards me. One day my Trainer happened to be in the barn as we were warming up on the lunge, and I asked her about this behavior. Trainer offered to lunge her, and gave me a "how to lunge" lesson. Pippi acted just the same with her initially, and I asked if it was aggressive behavior. Oh no, she said, Pippi is just full of herself and playing around a bit. "This is normal, does not bother me." She showed me to how to be more effective, and after that our lunge line warm ups were a breeze. Pippi still throws her head, hops a bit, and puts on her "I'm a Bad Ass" face when we first start, but now I know that it is just playful and it does not scare me. I even laugh and tease her about her "Bad Ass self."
Without that instruction two things could have happened; I could have lunged with no objective as I was scared to contain Pippi due to her perceived anger, or I could have become very heavy handed in trying to contain the anger. The anger that was not even present!

So that is one example of how we think we "read" our partners so well, but may in fact see it all wrong. Someone with a broader experience, and whose heart and soul is not tied into this horse, may just have the objective eye we need.

Next time I will give an example of how this may play out in a public setting, such as a horse show or clinic.

Part One of "Enabling and its pitfalls"

As a "professional show mom", new rider, I think it is invaluable to have Trainers and Clinicians that have a true understanding of the horse. One that tells you that your assessment of what happens with your horse may be faulty. Sometimes we get trapped in all the "knowing our horses" and the "partnership," that we read the signals way wrong.
You may know your horse, and think you know its motivations, but someone with broader experience of horses in general may be able to point out the flaws in your reasoning. Maybe your horse seems angry to you, but is in fact just showing off a bit. Or maybe you should be more stern, instead of backing off because you have read the signals wrong. Each horse is an individual, and yes, you know your horse better than anyone, but sometimes that relationship can become one of enabling. The horse is allowed to not be able to handle something, because that is just "how he is."
There is a difference between knowing ones limitations and quitting, and sometimes it takes a professional to point out the difference.

More thoughts on this to come......

Saddle shopping woes!

I am in need of a new saddle, as the old one is just too small and does not fit my long legs at all. It is fine for now, meaning I can ride in it, I just need to consider a new one for the future. Now that we are trying to make the canter look good, it is just becoming apparent that my saddle may be part of my issue with my legs.

And so I started to do some research, and holy smokes Batman, I am already dismayed and exhausted. The many brands are dizzying, and the cost is just gross. I am cheap, plus I have two kids in college; the day I spend thousands of dollars on a saddle is the day after I win the lottery.

So.....

Pippi is a wide QH body style horse. I am tall, 5'10" with a 33" inseam. Please give me advice, and let me know what you know as all I know is that I don't know anything.

Thanks guys.

Exercising my Option

According to the USDF rules, braiding your horse for shows is "optional." That means that you may do so, or you may not, it is up to you. A judge can not deduct points for an unbraided mane or tail. The unwritten rule, according to those "in the know", is that you should always braid your horse. A real DQ (Dressage Queen) braids!

I am not a real DQ apparently, as I have no plans on braiding Pippi for any show. She was blessed with the thickest, longest, shiniest most beautiful mane and tail, and I consider it sacrilege to cut, pull, or in any way constrict that gift.
Oh-we did, for years! When Pippi was Miranda's partner, her mane was kept short, and braided for shows, and I grumbled. The moment Pippi and I were sent lose together, she became a long haired Hippie and together we are rejecting conventional values and letting that hair flow.

Although I have all kinds of reasons for why this is a stand that I am choosing to take, it really comes down to what I like, what Pippi likes and what I think is a valuable use of our time. I have had a range of reactions, but most of them are "that's just how its done." "There is a standard that one must agree to, and braiding is part of the deal in showing your horse." Or something to that effect.
Or I hear that it shows the horses neck better when braided. Or that is shows respect for the judge. Most times I am met with incredulity, like "why even show your horse if you refuse to play by the rules?" (The rule is that it is "optional.")

Sure, I will admit it, I am very much the non-conformist when it comes to arbitrary societal pressure. When I think something is a waste of energy and time, I will not comply. I would much rather spend my time (of which we all have way too little) giving Pippi a massage, playing a game with her, and/or grazing around the showgrounds getting used to the sights and sounds of our new surroundings. I'd much rather that she and I get a bit more rest, and feel calm, happy and excited.

So many times I hear from fellow riders "Omg - I still have to braid! Eeek!" and watch them scurry off to tug, pull and tie away. Sure, many of them seem to like it, and most of horses just stand around munching hay and taking it all in stride. It's all part of the sacred showtime rituals they enjoy, and that gets them ready to tackle the day.
But for me, all that jazz just makes me feel constricted, and stressed. I don't like it. Maybe not braiding is a reminder for me to take it easy. This is for fun, not to be taken too seriously. It reminds me that Pippi and I are doing our own thing, and that this is for the two of us. We want to do our best, we ride and practice hard and often, but our best is only achieved through us being free flowing, and us.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have no barriers, no screen for the words that fall out of my mouth. I am rude, crude, but socially acceptable. Often I shock myself, but I am always Me; free flowing, off the charts, happy-go-lucky, get it done, no frills me!

Dressage Debut for Team Pippi!

A few months ago, when Krystal first said she was going to have a Dressage show, I was thrilled. We don't have a local show, so without a truck getting to a show was going to be an ordeal. I was scheduled to go to a ODSs' (Ohio Dressage Society) show in August, but when a local show became a reality I decided to forgo the cost and trouble of a "big" show. It is after all our first outing, and why spend more when you can spend less? The local show was going to have a great and experienced judge, and isn't that really all that matters?

So we trained, and planned for our show debut.
On Thursday last week, Pippi was trailered to the show grounds, and after helping set up the dressage arena, we were the first ones to try it out. Pippi was a hot trotting speed demon, and I thought we would have the best time for Intro Test A and B ever. Too bad that is not done.

On Friday afternoon/evening we tried it again, and I felt we were doing great. Speed was right on, and Pippi worked through a lot of noises, new horses and excitement. Gone was the Spookin' fool.

Saturday dawned and I felt ready and calm. No nerves to speak of. That might have a lot to do with the type of week I had, holy smokes, but lets not rehash that and elevate my heart rate again.
I fed Pippi at seven a.m., and helped set up canopies and ready some things for the show. At 8:15 or so, I started to lunge Pippi. Only I didn't have Pippi, some other horse had taken residence in her body. NO energy at all. I swear she would have leaned against the wall if I let her. Ridiculous. I was chasing her around the arena, begging for a Canter, and using the whip like a mad woman. I checked her over, looking for pain, etc, nothing seemed amiss, just lazy horse. Although the tortoise wins the race, I needed my hare back and quick!!

We rode at 9:12, and I warmed up in the outdoor. There was a lot of commotion, but Pippi was unfazed. Wrong word, Pippi was comatose!
We finally entered the arena, and when the bell rang we entered the Dressage arena. My goal was to ride an accurate test. All I cared about was doing the test right, at my best of course, but accuracy was the main goal. Prove that we could do it. And we did, but S     L      O     W    L    Y   . OH SO VERY SLOWLY.
I was pumping my legs, squeezing her, holding, kicking, urging, and we still went slow. Pippi may have fallen asleep at one point. I think I heard snoring from the sidelines.
After salute, some beaming on my part, some brief suggestions from judge (schooling show; ride test, brief suggestions, ride again, and best score stands), and we did it again. Guess what judge said? "More energy!" Oh really? I hadn't noticed. She also said a bunch of nice things like: "lot of good going on here," "beautiful trot," and "already see some uphill movement and she is accepting contact very well."
Ride two was better, but still lethargic. But I was beaming, just thrilled!! I knew we had done our best, minus the energy issue, and I was just so happy.

 At 10:12 we rode Intro Test B.
Pippi had woken up, and we were finally moving with some semblance of speed. Test B flew by quite quickly. I was able to relax my legs, and concentrate more on circle sizes and bend, now that Pippi was more forward on her own. Thank goodness. We did that one twice as well. The judge gave us good tips, and made a comment about "when you move up the levels." I could have whooped with joy. Judge believed in us, and that was awesome!

After our tests I refused to check my scores, although they were available. I wanted to bask in the joy of being so very happy without knowing the particulars. Pippi and I had done it, and that was just so overwhelming I wanted to sit with that joy for a while.

Donna and I had decided that a score over 40 would make us happy, and a score over 45 would make us ecstatic. (we didn't know, as this was our first show) At noon they announced placings, and we were stunned to get a third place (out of four) for Test A, and a second place (out of five) for Test B. Woohoo!!
Still didn't know my score though.....

After lunch I took over scoring duties, and started to put all the scores on a master sheet. I flipped my first test over, and gasped. A 60.00! Flipped over second try; a 61.25!

Oh MY!! I then quickly looked at my other tests, where I received a 62.5 and a 64.375.

I handed them to Donna who was elated at the 60.00, and congratulated me enthusiastically. That's when I said "that's not the best one Donna." She flipped over to the next one, gasped, I shook my head, she flipped to the next one, bigger gasp, I shook my head again. At the last one she was just quiet for a moment. Her expression akin to that of a Lottery winner, and then she just quietly high fived me, and then laughed all the way from her toes. "And we thought 40 would be good!!"


Joy shared is doubled!

Pippi was sleeping when I went to hug her, and I let her sleep. I have never seen her sleep before, and it was so touching. She was tired. A new barn had worn her plum out, but she still gave me the ride of my life!

When she arrived "home" last night my Trainer had put a sign on her stall that read "Congratulations!" It was Good to be home!

"That is my Favorite Horse!"

I didn't ride for very long yesterday, a storm was blowing in and it was unbearably hot/humid. My helmet made my head so heated I thought it was going to explode, so 20 minutes was enough.

Afterwards Pippi was cross tied in the wash bay as I untacked her. A lady and her grand-daughter stopped by looking for the BO. I said she might be in the house, as the only ones in the barn were Pippi and I. The lady turned to the girl who was around 12, and said "that's your favorite horse."
The girl stepped forward and said that Pippi was indeed her favorite horse. I immediately agreed of course, but stated that the BO's horses are pretty great too.

With the most sincere and earnest voice the girl said: "No, that is my Favorite Horse. Ever."

Pippi gets that reaction a lot from little girls. There is something about her look and sweetness that draws them in, and she knows exactly how to manipulate a person to get a treat. She is not too big, she is beautiful, has a long thick mane, and big warm eyes that look right at a person. I also think she is so still that people feel safe. When she gets a connection she starts the mind meld, and with a twitch or two of the muzzle the treats are handed over. Never fails.

Apparently this girl stops by when Pippi is in the field, and "even though I have never ever given her a treat she comes to me every time." So I guess this was more of a long range treat plan for Pippi, because all that sweetness paid off last night. And the girl was told that she can bring Pippi a carrot or an apple once in a while if she wants to. Pippi wins again!

How important is the Equestrian vs. The Horse?

I think this is a questions we all ponder at times, and it sure is something that comes up in discussions with non-riders. We just sit there, and the horse does all the work. Right?

Equestrians tend to bristle at that, rightfully so. We know how much work and dedication it takes to make it look like we "just sit there." Out goal is to make it look like we just "sit there," to make it look effortless. So we could chose to take that statement as a compliment I suppose.
But I think the real answer to how much "just sitting" we do, depends largely on the horse. Pippi is a ride every stride type of mount. If you want her to stay on the rail and go straight, you have to ride that or she will fall-in and stop in the middle of the arena. If you are unsure, she will take over and do what she wants to do. She is just waiting for an opportunity to do so. She is never robotic, NEVER, and demands that you stay focused as well. Super sensitive, but also demanding that you send clear messages and follow through. She is connected to her rider, and demands a connection back.
I know another horse that is totally different. This horse does its job. Regardless of what the riders does. She hears the loudspeaker announce "Trot, Trot your horses" and she picks up the trot. Forward she goes. She knows to trot for ground-poles, and cross-rails and she does. The riders, beginners and children, are safe and secure and have to do very little to get a great result, and they would have to do a lot to really screw it up. I have seen little girls with little to no skills look awesome on this horse, and beam with their blue ribbons.  She is a great horse to get a rider comfortable and gather self esteem, but not such a great horse to really learn on. She does it all automatically. No steering or anything really needed.

So how important is the rider vs. the horse? The answer is; It Depends! With some horses the rider is 90% of the ride, while with others the horse is. It depends on the training level of the horse mostly. Some horses like Pippi demands that you partner up, plus we are both learning new skills and so neither of us is automatic right now. Another horse may have a rider that is super green, but be so seasoned that the ribbons flow like water.
Sometimes it is hard, when you are working really hard, to know that you can't beat the team with the seasoned horse and the rider that is greener than you. But I do think you are allowed to take some extra pride in the fact that you are training your own horse, and so have more than just yourself to worry about. I do, and I will not be ashamed of that. I loved watching Pippi and Miranda because Miranda trained Pippi herself. My pride was doubled, and the joy was as well. When Pippi and I finally compete, hopefully in August, I will also be extra nervous. I don't have a push button horse, but I do have a real partner.

And by the way, here is pet-peeve of mine: if you are going to put on Facebook (or in a blog) that you placed in a class, please also say how many entries were in your class, and your score...... The great thing about that kind of honesty is that when you place among few you look humble, and when you place in a big class you have earned the right to say so. Just my two cents.....

The more we know.... (not about horses)

I came across a picture of my first love a few weeks ago. Facebook sure brings the world to your front door huh?

I fell in love with this fella, lets call him "Surf," in the midst of the most dramatic period of my life. My mom had just suddenly passed away (within weeks), and I was alone in the world it seemed. Both my Brother and my absent parent had significant others, and I was all alone at the age of 18. I was, in hindsight, a sitting duck. Except I was not sitting, I was running after this fella like a little duckling.

He drove a cool car:

It was SOOO coool in 1989!

He did this for fun: 

He trained German Shepherds for the Royal Airforce, and wore a uniform a lot of the time. Come on, he was like THE COOLEST guy ever!!! He was good looking, liked to read books and poetry, and was the life of any gathering. 

He was also a few years older than me, and since I considered myself mature beyond my years, I felt that made sense. In reality I was mature in some ways, but had zero (zilch, nada, none) experience in many areas in terms of relationships and the inter-personal situations. At this point I knew that if you somehow was emotionally hurt by a person in a relationship, it was by accident and an oversight that could be explained and reasoned with. The other person didn't mean it because they loved you. How did I know he loved me? He said so!! DUH!! He told me about how he had never felt so connected with another person, not even his on-again-off-again ex-girlfriend. He said we were like a split soul, about how he could share all of himself with me, about how the hurts of his other relationship had damaged him, and that he was the luckiest guy in the world to have found me - the most loving understanding girl in the world. We would go for walks at the beach, sit and watch the waves, and eat ice cream. We had "our beach" where we would meet, and discuss he latest book he had given me, and talk for hours. Or I would hang out in his apartment while he played the guitar. But mostly we would meet at the beach. Okay - not just mostly.....we met at the beach, or he came to my house (I lived alone since Mom died). I was at his apartment perhaps twice. 

It was bliss!! He was so funny. He totally "got me" and all my messed up self (I saw myself that way). It was great to have someone to feel connected to. I had never been the kind of girl guys wanted. I was too tall, too skinny, too weird, too opinionated, too flat chested, and I had no idea how to play the flirty games other girls were so good at. I could only be described as "AWKWARD!!" Weird! Different! I know people say that, but I had not really had a boyfriend at all, and all my friends had all kinds of experience. I had even started lying to my friends, and pretend that I had done "stuff." So, that this super cool guy was interested was just awesome. I was head over heels. 

It continued for a few months. He came to my house one night, and broke it off, only to come back a few hours later ( I had cried for hours by then) to say that he just "couldn't stay away." It was complicated. I was so young, and he was so messed up, and with his military schedule he just didn't have time for me, and it was just not fair to me for him to be in a relationship with me. Wasn't he thoughtful? But he just couldn't follow through with staying away from his soul mate. He loved me so! Bliss!!

I decided to go visit my absent parent who lived in another country, and brought my best friend with me. I called his house from there after we arrived (no cell phones back then), and his ex-girlfriend answered....what? I asked for him, and she said he was in the shower. What? I swear my mind just shut off, but I asked who she was, and she answered "Soandso, his girlfriend" (all smiley voice on the phone) and explained that they had been moving her stuff in all day. Say....what now? I asked her to say that I had called and if he could please call me back, and she said "of yeah, you are "Ricks" sister right?" Yeah, I am ....(I had met him through my brother who was in the same battalion). I never heard from Surf again.....

I so wish I could say that I learned a valuable lesson that day. That I learned that people will work hard, make diligent plans, and lie right to your face, and feel no remorse what so ever.That they will keep it up for ever, for as long as it works and they get what they want/need. I wish I could say that I learned that people will use you in ways that gives them what they need at the time, that they will assume that you know "whats going on" and even if you don't just shrug their shoulders and take no blame. I wish I learned that you go from Victim to Volunteer without missing a beat, and that you may not know it and see the truth of it for years to come. But I didn't learn it right then. It was plain to see, but seeing it would have forced me to take a look at my own weaknesses and I was so fragile from my mothers death I didn't have the strength. Or the maturity and wisdom to stop and make sure I learned that lesson. Instead I trudged on, and made more mistakes in the same realm. 

I know it now. I should have understood this my whole life. My dad is a cheater, and the turmoil it caused our lives should have taught me this lesson about the lengths people go to. But although I saw my father lie, sneak around and cause devastation without guilt, I just didn't get it. Because it is not something that I would ever do, I just couldn't see that others would. The more we know......